a haunting moment (2)

And yet another one, in a much more prosaic tone - but no less true - and focusing on something else that is pitifully missing in this sick country: trust in other human beings. On an equal footing: foreigners and nationals - and especially men and women...

*       *       *

Friendship has been a key theme of Chinese culture since ancient times. The second sentence of Confucius's Analects - 'When a friend comes from afar, is this not a joy?' - demonstrates the Chinese attitude towards the subject. But in Japan such examples are  rare. True friendship is not easy here. Long-term foreign residents complain that after ten or twenty years in the country they are lucky to have one Japanese they consider to be a true friend. Yet the problem goes deeper than the culture gap between foreigners and Japanese. The Japanese often tell me they can't make friends with each other; they say, "There are the people you knew in high school who remain bosom buddies for life. Everyone you meet after that cannot be trusted."

     One reason for this could be that the educational system [and society at large, I should add] traditionally discourages the Japanese from speaking their mind. They never quite trust each other, making friendships difficult. Another reason might be that hierarchical structures of society get in the way. In the old society the master-retainer relationship was a familiar one; relationships between equals were not.

Alex Kerr, Lost Japan (1996; Melbourne: Lonely Planet, 2009), p. 75.